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a letter to myself

© Azzari Jarrett

On March 26, 2004, I wrote a letter to myself.

At the time, I lived in Chicago and was a newlywed, not sure of what I was doing with my life or where I was going.  I had so many doubts about decisions that I had made about graduate school and my career.  I intended to read that letter in exactly 10 years – on March 26, 2014.  I wrote the date on an envelope, and sealed it.  In my mind, surely I would have myself together in ten years.

Fast forward.  I remember that I wrote the letter, and that this was the year to read it.  I had forgotten the exact date.  Last weekend, while searching in the back of drawer for something random, I found it.  I realized that I was a couple months late, but it was 2014, nonetheless – exactly 10 years after I wrote the letter.

I stopped everything, grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down to read it.  I smiled at my young self, all of the fears that I had back then seem so trivial now.  The amazing thing is, I am so different from that younger version of myself, but so very much the same.  I was fighting to fit a mold, what I thought I “should be doing” and what everyone else told me I “should be doing”.  But all of the pitfalls and peaks and valleys were necessary to get me to where I am today.

I’m far from having everything figured out – but I am a mother now, wiser, and confident in my own skin.  I know my likes, my dislikes, and I certainly don’t question every decision I make.  I know that only comes with age, which makes me look forward to getting older.  I now know that motherhood is by far my most rewarding, yet most demanding job I will ever have.  What people think of me is no longer issue for me, and I am so thankful for that.

Simply put, I am blessed and so happy with my life right now.  That’s something that I didn’t have back then.  And now I realize it is a choice that I make.  Every single morning – to be happy.  And I know that would not be possible without all of the life experiences it took to get me to this point.  I look forward to where I will be in the next 10 years.

Simply put, I love this.  I look back at how much I have grown and changed and I cannot wait to get older and wiser, and even more confident in who I am as woman.   And yes, I plan to sit down and write another letter very soon – to be opened in 10 more years.

  • Birgitte - June 23, 2014 - 1:03 pm

    I love this. Such a great idea to write that letter to yourself and I’m happy to read that you are happy :-) You do indeed seem like a person who is very much in peace with herself. It shows in your photos as well :-)

    Ciao from Florence

    • Azzari - June 24, 2014 - 3:05 pm

      many thanks, Birgitte.ReplyCancel

  • Jade Sheldon-Burnsed - June 23, 2014 - 7:14 pm

    I am sitting down tomorrow morning and writing a letter to myself…ReplyCancel

    • Azzari - June 24, 2014 - 3:04 pm

      you will not regret it.ReplyCancel

  • Chrystine - January 7, 2015 - 8:59 pm

    I can’t tell you how wonderful it had been going through your blog posts, looking at all the beautiful dreamy photos (I needed it). Sigh, you just made me miss film photography. And then this post. So great & meaningful.

    You are amazing.
    Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts and moments. So inspiring.